see a heart hit the back of my neck

i squat in front of the toilet bowl

preparing to erase what i am and start new

i know i must be more in order to live beyond this and beside her

i stare at spit and blood sinking into the water

you can only throw up what you have eaten

even if that’s your heart thumping in the backseat of your neck trying to spare itself and go unseen

as the openings of my body are gushing out with song

singing when my speech cannot tell you that it wants to be bigger then it is tonight

agreeing that i am not an innocent tonight

seeing that i’ve made you cry

not wanting to look at you, not wanting you to see that i’m lost tonight

lost this morning

in the indescribableness of losing air and drowning in disapointment

that it’s me to blame

not knowing how to right the spirit

oh my god

we danced


we were beautiful

we dance and

nothing is the same