Her name is Joy

I have had two dreams about you in the time that you have left. The first was the day after you left and it was hard for me. It was difficult because in the dream you showed me your scars and they covered your body. You did not say they were from me but I felt them like they were mine too because in some way they were from me but I also felt them. The dream was hard because I wanted to find you and acknowledge to you when I woke that I know how I have caused you pain and I see how and I feel them.

Last night I had a dream that has stayed with me all day. I saw in my dream something that you had made. I sat and watched the art you had made images and sounds…you took everything you had felt and all the hurt and made brilliant art that was funny, deep, painfully hurt and strong and everything was new…I had never seen anything like it before. I was amazed that something so heavy and painful could be translated into something like that…it was as if it made you more brilliant and more lovely.

Like nothing happened.

And I remember saying to myself and feeling like I want to be like that. I admire you and honor your art and your person so much. I want to be like that.