there are the kinds that let themselves happen
there are loves that resist
there are loves that remain secret
and there are loves that confuse you so that you are still trying to make sense after years of different countries and different faces and abuses
a woman whose husband was in another country, perhaps on a purposeful exile, said to me that no one is responsible for your happiness not your husband or lover or partner. you are the one who must make yourself happy. you.
at the time i didn’t listen because i couldn’t listen because i needed to hold on to anything else being 6 months pregnant. I can hear her in reverse now. i know what she means but that is radically different from everything i was taught to believe but its where i find myself and i like this event.
i cried because i realized i felt myself saying goodbye.
i know now that life doesn’t end beause of the choices you make, if you have the courage to keep making them and taking responsibility for all the possibilities of happiness.
i welcome this event in my life.
maybe not wife or great love but maybe a love. just that. sharing a moment in the sun.