it’s not often you watch a film that captures your private history. It is always reassuring that someone else gets it or has lived it. With the exception of her dying…most of what was said and done I know well. The words that bring you down. The limitations of the design. Thank you Abdelilah for the film.
From the opening backhanded complements. The way she hardens. His kindness patting her into place. Calling her crazy. Her calling him a little boy. Him proving he needs to be a man through violence. Love the design being devoid of love. The words from someone you trust, bringing you down. Breaking your spirit.
“I want to feel things. Really feel things. How is that for an ambition.”
“What you are is being denied and denied in this kind of life.”
“Why did you tell me? Is it suppose to make me fall in love with you or back into bed with you or what? What would you like me say?”
“I don’t feel anything.”
“I don’t love you anymore and I just figured that out.”
“Big man you got there April. Big Family man. I feel sorry for you.”
“So now I am crazy because I don’t love you?”
“No you aren’t crazy and you do love me.”
“But I don’t love you…I hate you. You were just some boy at a party that made me laugh and now I loath the sight of you. In fact if you touch me or come any closer I think I will scream.”
‘You should value what you do. You’re obviously good at it.”