last night i laid in bed thinking like i haven’t done in a long time as now i am an adult and i can escape into the world of music or friends or work. i can run away literally from myself and only stay with myself long enough to fall asleep and go quiet.
last night i laid near my baby who kissed me goodnight and i laid there and thought…i don’t have all the answers to my own person let alone to her. i want to be able to be strong and to be perfectly honest i am so frightened most of the time that it takes all my courage to walk down the streets most days. i make it look easy but i have a secret wish that someone stronger will be there always to protect me. like a parent. i didn’t have these kinds of parents.
i am old enough to know that this isn’t possible to ask for. but i can’t shrug wanting a protector and knowing that i am alone.
i want to make a wish.
i just want to see all these dreams unfold. the real ones i have for us. to find good friends to stick to for the rest of my life. and this time really love. love with all my heart. without looking for and finding a drug or a filler or a fix.