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My documentary “All I Wanna Do”

I am sitting in the sound studio with the sound engineer who is a saint in my opinion…better than a saint, an angel. Yes he’s an angel.

He’s a man who came to Morocco about the same time I did, five years ago. He has the same problems I do…he works but he never makes enough to save or buy what he needs or go to the doctor. We get by but the difference is he’s a man and I am  a woman. He’s older much older and I am younger. He could use the money but he’s doing my film for free and he’s acting like a teacher with me not a creep.

He’s a father, he’s a grandfather, he’s still young in his attitude but he is not one of those freakish child-men I know so well. He’s responsible and he has a rock solid base that I feel in him. He is kind with me and he is teaching me and helping me out more than he knows. I don’t know what I can do to repay him. It’s not the work he’s doing for me but who he is with me.

He’s not a typical French dude because he’s not really French at all but by paper. Like I am American but it’s also something on paper.

I spent the day with him Sunday eating and talking. He cooked freshly barbecued bass with mushrooms and served it with salad and wine. I could get use to that. A man cooking. In his own space. Living life.

Actually, I think I want to make a point of visiting him throughout the year if he lets me. He’s not a sad old man. He’s like me. He’s a loner, a recluse, a dreamer, outside of this country and not sure where it is.

He’s not religious but I knew from his name he’s like me. We’re from crypto Jews and whether we practice or not, we are coming from Jews like a lot of people who know it or not. He’s a wanderer looking for things under the surface and I don’t think it’s a complete accident that he’s in Morocco although he completely rejects my feelings that it’s destiny. “Not it’s not destiny there isn’t such things.” But I think so.

We came here without knowing why but there was a call and a few accidents that got us here and like me, I know he’s from here, his roots are here like mine.

He doesn’t have all the answers even if he is older which actually comforts me. He told me about leaving his family when they were young. And his children still haven’t gotten over this. I wanted to comfort him and tell him it was okay but I am not speaking to one of my parents at the moment and when I had to express this to him, I almost cried and got red in the face. I wanted to calm him but I don’t know if that helped other than to show him that even when children are angry and they don’t talk to you, they must still love you or I wouldn’t be sitting in front of him red in the face fighting back tears.

I like this man.

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