I am in Morocco for a lot of reasons but I guess the first reason being that when I was still in college and really confused about the world as sept 11th had just happened, I was in a government class totally clueless about what I was doing there…this professor walked in and spoke for ten minutes. His 10 minutes were clearer than what all my other professors combined couldn’t teach me.
he spoke about his country, his daughter, his wife, himself and explained globalization and extremism and the world and humanized it. i decided i was going to study with him. and two years later, one day after turning 21 and totally hung over, I was in Morocco. culture shock. but in those 3 months my life changed. I lost my first love, i questioned what love and hate meant. i loved and hated g-d. i hated my father and men in general. My father died while I was there and I didn’t know it and I was the only one not home and I never wanted to be so it makes sense. i was trying to get away by going to school in the east coast and going to morocco. moving away by getting educated and just being better.
being in morocco, made me change. i finally felt that my love and hate were the same because you can’t hate something if you don’t actually love it on some level or it wouldn’t be important to you enough to hold on to it like that. so the father I hated was someone I actually loved. i was forgiving him despite myself and even though i went to the ends of the earth to get away from him I found myself right back with him. i thought of him every day because his name was here.
I went home, graduated, got the Fulbright and came back and never left. when i can’t feel inspired to make films here anymore i will go but so far, by following my heart and intuition, I seem to be where I should. I believe now deeply from my experiences looking backwards on what has happened in my short life that by listening to myself and what I want, ignoring money and the lure of false promises that something greater than me has lead me here and where it takes me I don’t know but something is leading me somewhere and even though at times its difficult there is something that i am listening to, i don’t have a name for it but its been right every time even if it takes faith when first taking action. i have found that this place that seems unconnected to me is connected to me greatly. I learned later that our family’s origins are from here even if separated by years and continents. even though there was and is no logical reason that i be here, because its not for money or bragging rights or marriage or dating. but i am here, because i feel that i should be…
and my work has done well this year which has encouraged me. my film has won 7 prizes and has gone to 22 festivals all over the world so its a nice first step. and now I am on to the next project.