My friend sat with me smoking last night asking to recount my day which was spent with the boy who brought over a letter he wrote to his father. I forget that although his parental problems look immediate, they are still more healthy then mine, which are decades removed and still so strongly broken down. Although I should be at peace with my family I am not. It’s embarrassing at best and destructive in total.
My friend asked an interesting question. “So who has the power?”
“Who has the what?” I asked.
“Who has the power? You or him?” He asked.
I was stunned by the idea. It was a good thing I was surprised. I hadn’t been thinking about it. Should I?
I answered him, “I don’t know? Should there be someone with the power?”
“Yes.” He said. As if someone had to be the winner or loser.
Couldn’t we have a win win situation? I thought.
“Are you judging me?” I asked a while later.
“Why do you think that? I would never judge you?”
I am not ruled by who is ruling me and I hope not to think like that anymore.
I am grateful for this time of love and reflection and healing and changes. For the bruises that have led me far away and into more love. I am grateful for the loses that have led to wisdom and childlike discovery. I am falling. And I like this feeling like I love this stupid song.