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The First You

Thought Catalog

The first you was hopeful. Not in the hesitant way that understands the real possibility of failure yet continues to spitefully reach and claw and bite and grab. You hoped in a way that was effortless. A way that required little thought and minimal reserve. A way that reminded you of breathing or chewing or digesting. You inhaled plans and chewed through probabilities and digested inevitable outcomes painlessly.

The first you was curious. Not in the vindictive way that craves insider information or whispered secrets or confidential collusion. You were curious about simplistic beauties and subtle mysteries. You wanted to know why colors exploded in the morning and how stars winked at night and when existence started to matter. You inhaled theories and chewed through novels and digested the intelligent guesses of old.

The first you was eager. Not in the panicked way that pushes you to try winning an…

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